Chapter 28

Don’t Think You’re Going to Lose Sight of Me

The sun was slowly sinking behind the hills, staining the sky with a deep amber that blended into the violet of dusk.

Tonks arrived at the meeting point with brisk steps, wrapped in her travelling cloak, her cheeks flushed from the cool air. Her wand peeked out from her belt, and her hair— a vibrant dark violet— fluttered lightly in the breeze.

—Well, right on time —growled Mad-Eye Moody from the shadow of a gnarled oak. His magical eye spun in its socket, scanning every corner of the surroundings while his other eye, the normal one, regarded her with approval.

Tonks rolled her eyes, but her expression shifted instantly when she realised they were not alone. A little apart, hands tucked into his pockets and the collar of his coat pulled up against the cold, stood Remus Lupin.

—Remus —she said, surprised, as she had not expected to see him there.

—Nymphadora —he replied softly, with a slight inclination of his head.

—Tonks —she corrected him automatically, though without her usual irritation.

Moody cleared his throat, impatient.

—From now on, Tonks, you’ll be in charge of visiting the families under the Order’s protection —he said bluntly—. Up until now, Lupin and I handled it, but he’ll be taking on a different kind of mission. We need someone else to provide support.

Tonks nodded, all professionalism.

—Of course. Count me in.

Moody nodded, satisfied.

—Lupin and I are the Secret-Keepers for the houses. Tonight, he’ll show you their locations. I’ve got another matter to attend to.

Tonks looked at Lupin with renewed excitement.

—Understood.

He offered her his hand so they could Disapparate together. His palm was warm, despite the icy air.

Without giving it much thought, Tonks laced her fingers through his, and with a slight tug, they vanished into the air.

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The evening wind stirred the tall blades of grass as they appeared in the middle of an empty meadow. The sky was a deep blue mantle, tinged with the last traces of twilight, and the air smelled of damp earth and distant pine trees.

A faint path, barely traced through the undergrowth, stretched out before them like a thread lost in the vastness of the field.

Tonks looked around, trying to make out something in the dim light. There were no houses in sight, no signs of life.

—Where are we? —she asked softly, as if afraid of breaking the silence that surrounded them.

Remus adjusted the collar of his coat before replying.

—Northumberland —he said—. Near the Cheviot valleys. Dumbledore assigned this area to shelter several families.

Tonks nodded, though the name meant little to her. She drew her cloak closer around herself and began walking beside him without haste, letting the night wrap them in its stillness.

—And what kind of missions will you be taking on now? —she asked casually, though curiosity pulsed beneath her words.

Lupin took a moment to answer, as if choosing his words carefully.

—Dumbledore wants me to infiltrate the werewolf communities —he said at last—. He believes the Death Eaters will try to recruit them, and he wants me there to… counter that influence. If possible.

Tonks frowned.

—The werewolves… —she repeated in a murmur, a grimace crossing her face before she could stop it.

She knew there were werewolf communities scattered across the country, groups that had sought refuge and lived isolated on the fringes of the wizarding world.
She knew many of them had fallen into despair and anger, embittered by a society that cast them aside, growing cruel in response to rejection.
She knew not all of them were like Remus.

And for that very reason, the idea of him living among them unsettled her. She could not help feeling afraid for him.

Lupin, who did not miss her reaction, offered a barely perceptible smile.

—It isn’t as terrible as you imagine —he said, with that calm of his that always seemed to soften everything—. I’ve actually lived among them before.

Tonks turned to look at him.

—Really?

He nodded, his gaze drifting towards the horizon, as if his mind were seeing a different landscape, distant in time.

—After the first wizarding war, when everything was… broken, for lack of a better word, I could barely find work. I became a pariah among wizards. I couldn’t settle anywhere —he explained quietly—. So I decided to try my luck with them. I spent some time living among different werewolf groups.

Tonks raised her eyebrows, surprised. That image of Remus was difficult to reconcile, especially as she had always seen him as someone deeply connected to the wizarding world, despite the discrimination he endured.

—And what was it like? —she asked, cautiously.

Judging by the crease in her brow, the Auror seemed to be imagining a nightmare: cold huts deep in the woods, stagnant pools of water that never dried, perpetual gloom, and within it all, hunched and hostile figures, feral eyes, claws like knives, endless nights of violence.

Lupin smiled gently when he caught her expression.

—It wasn’t a bad experience —he said, a flicker of amusement in his voice.

Tonks looked at him sceptically.

—Wasn’t it?

Lupin rolled his eyes, as though he had anticipated her doubt.

—You’re imagining it like some kind of constant battlefield, full of horrors and daily slaughter.

Tonks couldn’t help smiling.
It was exactly what she had pictured, though now it seemed absurd to admit it. She nodded, accepting her ignorance on the matter, and Lupin’s smile widened just a fraction, with that warm, patient edge she already knew so well.

—Most werewolves don’t kill humans for pleasure —he explained, more seriously—. It isn’t how wizards portray them.

Tonks blinked, thoughtful. She knew Lupin wasn’t like the others, but she had never truly reflected on the rest.

—People believe werewolves are monsters all the time —he continued, with solemn calm—. But for the most part, they’re men and women who were unlucky enough to be attacked. The bite doesn’t change a wizard’s personality. It doesn’t turn them into a ruthless beast.

He paused, as if weighing his words, then let out a quiet sigh.

—The prejudice against us doesn’t last only during full moons. It lasts always. It doesn’t matter if you’re kind, responsible, intelligent… It doesn’t matter if you’re the same person for twenty-seven nights a month. Society rejects them regardless of who they were before the bite, or who they continue to be. To them, they are— we are— always dangerous.

His voice remained calm, but Tonks could hear the weariness beneath it. It wasn’t the first time she had heard him speak of this, but each time it stirred the same ache of anger and helplessness.

—How do they survive? —Tonks asked, a trace of sadness in her voice.

—However they can. Hunting animals. Tending small vegetable plots. Clinging to poorly paid temporary work. And above all, hiding —Lupin replied—. Most of them live in the mountains, far from wizards. Not because they want to, but because they have no choice. Once someone discovers what they are, they’re driven out. In the end, it’s easier to live alone or among your own kind.

He paused before adding, almost in a murmur:

—It’s happened to me many times. It’s the reason I was only a professor at Hogwarts for one year.

Tonks felt a knot form in her throat. She knew Lupin had suffered because of his condition, but she had never quite pictured it like this: a wanderer, always searching for a place to belong, only to be turned away again and again.

—Then why did you leave their community? —she asked softly.

Lupin smiled sadly.

—Because I was never truly one of them —he whispered—. I was educated at Hogwarts, among wizards, and I’ve always lived in their society. Like a taciturn academic —he added, with a faint smile.

Tonks smiled as well. She had once called him that, laughing at his habit of surrounding himself with books.

Lupin pulled his jacket collar higher, shielding himself from the cold air slipping between the trees, before continuing. Tonks glanced at him sideways: his face was still pale, and the way he burrowed into his coat made her think he hadn’t fully recovered from the cold he’d had the previous week.

—I’ve always been caught between two worlds, the world of wizards and the world of werewolves. But I don’t belong to either.

The weight of those words struck her hard, and before she realised it, an intrusive thought settled in her mind. If he had lived among them before… did that mean he intended to do so again?

A faint dizziness washed over her at the possibility.

—And now… you’re going back to them —she murmured, more to herself than to him.

Lupin nodded.

—Yes —he confirmed—. But this time it will be different. At least this time, I have a purpose.

For the first time in the conversation, his voice sounded firm, resolute.

Tonks felt her stomach tighten.
She didn’t like this mission. She understood that the infiltration was necessary, and that Lupin was the best person to carry it out. But the image of him living among werewolves, in a place where he didn’t belong, spying on potential alliances with the Death Eaters, unsettled her more than she cared to admit.

And the mere idea of him leaving did too.

—Are you going to live with them? —she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She tried to sound unconcerned, but she knew she hadn’t quite managed it.

Lupin looked at her closely, as if he had sensed something in her tone. Then, with a gentle smile, he shook his head.

—Don’t think you’re going to lose sight of me —he said softly—. I’m not going to live with them. I’ll be staying at headquarters with Sirius. You know he can’t be left on his own.

The relief was so intense it stole her breath away.

He wasn’t going.
He wasn’t moving away.
He wasn’t disappearing.

Tonks felt her body relax without realising it, as though she had just released an invisible weight. She lowered her gaze, biting her lip, unable to stop a small smile from forming.

She wasn’t sure what surprised her more: the sharp anxiety at the thought of his departure, or the immediate relief at knowing he would continue living at Grimmauld Place.

She hadn’t realised it until then, but the truth was that she didn’t want him to leave.

She shook her head, confused.

Lupin said nothing more. He simply watched her with mild curiosity, as though he had noticed something in her expression he hadn’t expected to find.

A few minutes later, the lights of a house hidden among the trees began to glow in the distance.

Remus moved forward with steady steps and knocked on the door in a precise, rhythmic pattern. A moment later, the bolts slid back with a click, and the door opened slightly.

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A middle-aged witch appeared in the doorway, her hair tied back with a headscarf and a watchful expression that softened the moment she recognised him.

—Remus! —she exclaimed warmly.

—Good evening, Mrs Holloway —he greeted her, returning the smile.

She gestured for them to come inside, but Remus shook his head.

—We don’t want to trouble you, we’re just passing through —he explained politely—. But I wanted to introduce you to Nymphadora Tonks. She’s an Auror, and from now on she’ll also be in charge of your protection.

Tonks rolled her eyes at hearing her full name and glanced at Lupin, who was smiling with his eyes. She stepped forward and offered her hand to the witch.

—Please, call me Tonks —she said with a smile.

—It’s a pleasure —the woman replied, clasping her hand gratefully—. Thank you for looking after us.

Before Tonks could respond, the sound of hurried footsteps burst into the room.

Two children came running out of a nearby room and threw themselves at Remus. He received them naturally, bending down to hug them while ruffling their hair with affection.

—Remus! Did you bring more stories this time? —the older one asked, his eyes shining with excitement.

—I’m afraid there are no stories this time, but next time I’ll bring a good one —he promised with a smile.

The children seemed to accept the answer without disappointment and clung to him for a moment longer before their mother called them back.

Tonks, silent, stayed a short distance away.

It wasn’t just that the family felt relieved to see Remus —they were genuinely happy at his presence. There was something about him that offered more than the simple reassurance of being protected. He gave them comfort. He gave them hope.

After a few minutes, they said their goodbyes and continued on their route.

The next house was no different.

Nor the ones after that.

At every door they knocked on, tense expressions softened into smiles at the sight of Remus. Families greeted him with gratitude, children ran to him, and adults shook his hand with respect and affection.

Tonks, who knew the weight he carried every day, watched him with renewed admiration. Here, among these families, he was not a man marked by rejection or suspicion. Here, he was a protector —a cherished presence.

And for the first time, Tonks wondered whether this place, among these people, was the only place where Remus Lupin truly felt at home.

When one particularly emotional woman took his hands and thanked him fervently, Remus smiled modestly and replied simply:

—I’m just doing my job.

But Tonks was no longer so sure that was all it was.

The night breeze carried the scent of wet grass as Remus and Tonks walked back along the path.

Tonks walked beside him with her hands in her pockets, enjoying the cool night air, when she noticed the tension in Remus’s shoulders, the stiffness of his posture… and the faint flush on his face.

She frowned.

—Are you ill? —she asked.

For a moment, Tonks’s blood ran cold. Her mind leapt to a terrifying conclusion. Could it be that…?

Instinctively, her gaze lifted to the sky, searching through the clouds for a trace of silvery light.

Remus caught the gesture, and for an instant his expression softened with tenderness.

—Easy —he said, with a half-smile—. It’s not the full moon yet. It’s just a cold.

Tonks exhaled, though she didn’t look entirely convinced.

They walked on in silence for a while, until she spoke again, her tone distracted, as if she were sorting through her thoughts aloud.

—You’re close to them.

Remus raised an eyebrow and turned his head towards her.

—To whom?

—The families —Tonks clarified, gesturing with her chin towards the village they were leaving behind—. You don’t just come to bring news from the Order, do you? You don’t seem like someone who’s simply “doing his job”.

Remus lowered his gaze, and a smile formed on his lips, though there was something deeper in his expression that she couldn’t quite decipher.

—No, I suppose I’m not —he admitted, with a quiet exhale—. Because I think they need more than protection. They need hope. They’re good people. And they’ve lost a great deal. Someone has to be there to remind them that they can still trust.

Tonks glanced at him sideways. The way he spoke, the way he carried other people’s stories on his shoulders, the handshakes, the gentle touches on the children —it all felt so…

So Remus.

And it made her smile. There certainly wasn’t another werewolf like him.

—I don’t have a wife or children to look after —he continued with a half-smile, as if he had guessed what she was thinking—. I suppose that leaves me freer to be there for those who do, to remind them they’re not alone.

Tonks narrowed her eyes, intrigued.

—Well, well… —she murmured, a barely restrained smile playing on her lips.

She drew in a deep breath of the cool night air before saying:

—I think that’s incredible.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

—What is?

—That you worry so much about everyone else, and so little about yourself.

Remus frowned slightly, as if he weren’t entirely sure he had understood her.

—Explain —he asked cautiously, his voice calm but touched with curiosity.

Tonks didn’t answer right away.

Instead, her gaze drifted towards a small grassy mound beside the path, where the moonlight cast soft shadows over welcoming, almost inviting foliage.

Without warning, she headed towards it and dropped onto the grass with ease, folding her arms behind her head. A mischievous smile curved her lips as she looked at him from the corner of her eye, as though lying down in the middle of the night were a silent invitation to set worries aside —if only for a moment.

He watched her with a mixture of confusion and amusement.

—What do you think you’re doing?

—Better question: what are you doing? —she replied without opening her eyes—. You spend your whole day looking after everyone else. You always have. From the moment I met you, I knew you could read people better than anyone.

Remus tilted his head, intrigued, and without realising it stepped closer to the mound, sitting down beside her.

—That’s what you noticed when we first met?

Tonks let out a brief, amused laugh.

—Oh, yes.

She propped herself up slightly and turned towards him.

—Do you remember that afternoon in front of the tapestry of the “Most Noble and Ancient House of Black”? —she said with exaggerated theatricality, making Remus smile and roll his eyes—. You knew exactly how to make me feel at ease, how to understand me without many words. And it’s not just with me. You’re always looking out for the Weasleys, for Harry, for Sirius…

Remus looked away, uncomfortable. Tonks had that infuriating ability to point out the obvious with devastating clarity, as though she could see straight through all the layers he tried to hide behind.

—It’s the right thing to do —he murmured.

Tonks snorted softly and leaned a little closer, studying him with an expression caught somewhere between playful and defiant.

—And when is it right to look after yourself as well?

Remus let out a sigh, turning his gaze towards the clouded sky.

—It’s not that simple.

—Of course it is —Tonks insisted, that familiar spark of determination lighting her eyes whenever she argued about something that mattered to her—. For instance, you could have rested tonight. We could have visited the families tomorrow. It didn’t have to be today.

Remus said nothing.

Tonks sat up, crossing her legs, and softened her voice before adding:

—Just promise me you’ll think a little more about yourself.

Remus felt a sharp pang in his chest.

Just promise me you’ll think a little more about yourself.

For an instant, Tonks vanished, and in her place he saw green eyes shining in the dim light of a library.

Lily.

Sitting on the floor, surrounded by books and parchment, legs crossed, her brow furrowed in a familiar expression.

—Tell me something, Remus, and tell me the truth —she had said, resting her elbow on a Transfiguration textbook and pointing her quill at him—. Do you really think being a werewolf is the only thing you can ever amount to?

He had blinked, uncomfortable.

—That’s what most people think of me when they find out.

Lily rolled her eyes.

—Yes, well, most people are stupid.

Then her voice softened.

—You’re not defined solely by what’s happened to you, Remus. You’re brilliant at Charms, you’re more responsible than any of those three idiots you surround yourself with and… when you laugh, you really laugh. Not like James, who always looks like he’s plotting something. You… you feel things properly.

Remus had looked away, feeling exposed beneath her gaze, as though Lily had peeled back a layer of his skin with infuriating ease.

Then she had taken his hand.

—Just promise me you’ll think a little more about yourself.

And now, years later, Tonks was looking at him in the same way.

Remus closed his eyes for a moment, a sense of vertigo tightening his chest.

When he opened them, Tonks was still there.

She hadn’t gone. She wasn’t looking at him with pity or compassion. She was simply there, sitting on the grass beside him, looking at him as though she truly wanted to understand him.

As though she cared.

As though she had no intention of leaving.

Tonks, noticing his prolonged silence, watched him closely. He seemed to be somewhere else, very far away, yet his eyes never left her.

At last, she couldn’t help a crooked, slightly awkward smile.

—Don’t look at me like that, Remus.

He blinked, pulled abruptly back into the present.

—Like what?

—Like you’re seeing a ghost.

Remus let out a low laugh, though his voice carried an odd note.

Because, in a way, that was exactly what had just happened.

Tonks wasn’t Lily.

He knew that.

But in that moment, it had been impossible not to see her in her.

And yet, he was also seeing Tonks.

She closed her eyes and let herself fall back again, arms stretched out over the grass. For a moment, they stayed like that —she lying down, he sitting beside her— as though the world had paused between the cold breeze and the glow of the moon.

But the night chill was setting in, and Remus had that exhausted air that unsettled her. His cheeks were flushed, as if he had a fever, and even though he didn’t complain, Tonks didn’t want to give him any more reasons to neglect himself.

With a sigh, she sat up in one smooth motion and held out her hand to him.

—Come on, we’d better head back before you catch pneumonia or something worse —she said with a crooked smile, raising an eyebrow—. You need rest.

Remus tilted his head, amused, but took her hand without hesitation.

As she pulled him up, Tonks felt the firmness of his grip, the warmth of his skin despite the cold air.

And then, suddenly, Remus was standing right in front of her.

Closer than she had expected.

Tonks had to tilt her head up to meet his eyes. She hadn’t realised how tall he was… or perhaps she had, but now it felt different.

Softly, almost without meaning to, she tightened her grip on his hand just a little.

Remus smiled. That calm, serene smile she liked so much.

Moonlight fell over him like a veil of silver, tracing the curve of his cheekbones, the line of his jaw, the faint shadow of exhaustion on his face.

He looked different then.

Closer.

More real. And human.

Tonks held her breath without realising it. Her eyes traced his —the slight narrowing as he smiled, the soft gleam reflected in his pupils, the shape of his lips. She kept looking for a moment longer.

Not long. Just… a little more.

Her heart was pounding. Not from the cold, nor from fatigue.

It was him.

His closeness.

Their hands still entwined.

In that instant —with the night breeze stirring her hair, the scent of fresh pine filling the air and the moon bathing them in its glow— she understood something with overwhelming clarity.

It wasn’t just that she didn’t want him to go away.

It was that all she wanted was to be by his side.

She blinked and looked away, overwhelmed, clearing her throat with feigned indifference as she brushed grass from her cloak.

—Come on, Professor Lupin. You’re risking someone putting you in quarantine —she joked, turning on her heel to head back down the path. She felt a tell-tale flush creeping up her cheeks.

Remus laughed softly, without replying. He simply followed after her.

And though neither of them mentioned it, their hands took a couple of seconds longer to separate.

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It hadn’t been a matter of a single day. Not even of a single week.
Nor had it been one fleeting smile or a stolen glance that changed everything.
It was something that had settled in slowly, without her even realising it.
Until then.

She knew it that night, as they walked together along a quiet, poorly lit avenue on their way back to Grimmauld Place.

Lupin walked beside her, speaking about some reports in his calm, measured tone.
But Tonks wasn’t listening. She was only watching him.

Watching the way the wind tousled his hair, the way the light caught the silver at his temples, the way he wrapped himself in his worn coat, and the way—every now and then—his clear gaze drifted up to the sky, distracted and… calm. Just as she liked it.

—Tonks? —Lupin pulled her out of her reverie with a raised eyebrow—. Are you listening to me?

She mumbled an excuse, something clumsy, and laughed.

And he… smiled too. Not politely. Not out of courtesy.
But in that spontaneous way of his. A real smile—warm—one that seemed to steal years from his face and soften his eyes with a tenderness that always made Tonks melt.

Later that night, back in her flat, she couldn’t get him out of her head.

She flopped onto her bed and stared at the ceiling, as if expecting to find written there what she still didn’t dare admit.

—This can’t be happening —she murmured.

Her heart was racing, far too fast. She covered her eyes with one hand and, without meaning to, a huge smile began to break free until it turned into a soft laugh—half incredulous, half thrilled—that shattered the silence of her room.

—Oh, Merlin… I’ve fallen in love with Professor Lupin —she whispered.

The words slipped out on their own, as though they had been waiting to be spoken. And the moment they were, she froze.

—Huh… —she breathed, clapping both hands over her mouth, eyes wide, a flush burning her cheeks.

It couldn’t be.
And yet it was.

Her patrol partner.
Her quiet friend.
The one who spoke little, but always with intention.
The man who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and still found room to care for everyone but himself.
The one who looked as though he held an entire universe behind his eyes.
The most dignified, serene, complicated man she knew.
The last person she should have fallen for.

And yet, there she was.

Mad. Lost. Dangerously in love with Remus Lupin.

What a disaster. What a blessed disaster.

—Right… TONKS, CALM DOWN —she told herself aloud, sitting bolt upright on the bed and pointing at herself as if sheer force of will might restore control—. It’s just Remus. It’s just Professor Lupin. It’s just the most decent, patient and handsome man you’ve ever met in your life.

Nothing serious.

Silence. She blinked.

—Handsome? Did I just say handsome?

And then she burst into nervous laughter, the kind that escapes when you don’t know whether to laugh or crawl under the bed forever.

She shifted restlessly, running a hand through her messy cherry-red hair. Her elbow knocked into the bedside table, sending a book, a mug and her wand tumbling to the floor, where it rolled away.

—Oh, Merlin! I’ve completely lost my mind! —she shouted, flailing her arms.

She realised she was fascinated.

More than once she had caught him watching her, and more than once she had caught herself returning his gaze.

She wasn’t someone who fell in love easily.
Sure, she’d had relationships before—but none deep enough to leave a real mark. She had always believed her greatest commitment was to her work, to duty, and that love would arrive one day, naturally, when she least expected it.

What if that day had already come?

The thought made her dizzy.

She began pacing the room in long, dramatic strides, hands clasped behind her neck as if trying to oxygenate her brain—or walk herself into collapse.

—Right. What do you do when you fall in love with someone like Remus Lupin? Invite him to dinner? Send him a letter? Turn into an owl and throw it through his window?

She stopped dead.

The clock struck midnight with a hollow chime.

And Tonks—heart still racing, grinning from ear to ear, mismatched striped socks on her feet—collapsed onto the sofa.

—Remus Lupin… —she whispered with a dazed smile, staring ahead as though his face might appear there—. You’ve driven me mad. And the worst part… is that I don’t mind at all.

Then she spun dramatically, pressed a hand to her chest and fell back onto the bed, as though Cupid had fired an arrow straight into her heart.

Or an entire storm of arrows.

—I’m doomed! —she cried into the sheets—. Doomed, condemned, and absolutely enchanted.

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AUTHOR’S NOTE:

YEEEEES—and at last we’re properly stepping into more romantic territory 🫣✨
I might have gone a little too far with the slow burn… you’ll have to tell me 😅
But this moment has been building for a long time, and I’ve been so eager to get here.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

And hey — do stop by my socials (Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr or TikTok), because I’ve made a very sweet illustration to go with it 🖤

Also, I just created a subrredit where we can meet! I hope you join! https://www.reddit.com/r/LupinandTonks/

We’ll meet again between the lines.

You can find all my links here:
https://lagatakafka.com/links/